Sometimes, I hate my body. There, I said it. It feels great to get it out. But then I feel guilty. But I remind myself that body positivity is a journey. I was a size small & curvy, weighed about 55 kg throughout high school. Hell, I was nominated best body at some point (LOL, the things you remember). But I was never active or cared much about the things I put in my body. I just never ate much. Mostly because I was in a boarding school and the food was horrible. It was either you eat what was offered or go hungry. So naturally, most of us were losing weight or maintaining the same weight we had.
Now fast forward to my arrival to the United States, the land of fast food and busy workload. I was convinced I still could not gain weight because college is stressful enough. Boy was
Looking into the mirror, sometimes, I do not recognize the person staring back at me. I am currently a size medium to large and I have some cool folds in my belly. A lot of my clothes do not fit the way they used to anymore. I have tried looking into weight loss programs but most of them just do not work with my lifestyle or they are literally trying to get me to starve myself. I also just do not have the discipline to work out, eat clean and healthy and maintain a healthy lifestyle. So, I know there are solutions, i just need to work on them.
Whenever I talk about my body, people’s response is “well you know what to do to fix it, sooo.” If only they knew that it was not that easy. See, I need to lose weight because I want to, because I need to be healthier but I also need to love my body the way it is right now because losing weight might not fix how I see myself. This is very psychological and that’s where body positivity and body love comes from. If you do not love your body in its imperfection, what makes you think you will ever love it when it transforms to something else? You need to love your body in every single stage it is in because our bodies change, they will continue to change and we have to change our mindset along with them.
Below, i will share a couple of ways in which i have decided to celebrate my body this year and practice a healthier lifestyle.
- I am going to invest in clothes that make me feel good. Clothes that fit my body and not waste my time buying clothes a size smaller so I can “lose weight and fit into them”
- Constantly weighing myself is not an option anymore. Instead, I am going to focus on how I feel, how my body moves, how active i am, how much better i am doing in learning the yoga poses etc.
- On Social Media, I am going to unfollow accounts that make me feel terrible about myself. But follow accounts that make me feel amazing about my body.
- I am going to take more pictures and not worry about how my body looks. Instead, I will focus on my glowing skin, the amazing colors in the pictures, and most of all preserve the memory in the picture.
- Eating a cookie every now and then is not TABOO. I
I have not been very good to my body over the years but I am learning how to take care of her now. Currently, I am unlearning every negative thing I have learned about her. I sometimes hate my body but I am getting to know her again and I am learning to love her again. Body positivity does not happen overnight, it is a process and a journey.
This blog post was written as a guest post for Octane. You can find it here